If I Die Young
by Noitavlas
Summary: "If I die young, bury me in satin; lay me down on a bed of roses; sink me in the river at dawn; send me away with words of a love song."


**If I Die Young**

_If I die young, bury me in satin_

_Lay me down on a bed of roses_

_Sink me in the river, at dawn_

_Send me away with the words of a love song_

White hands clutched against at the front of his chest trying to will the pain away. Harsh breaths filled the room as the only occupant of the dormitory kneeled beside his bed; head down, eyes closed, aching. It happens often now, he thought to himself. It happens often because he's going away. He closed his eyes tighter in vain attempt of convincing himself that he's only dreaming, but it only succeeded in releasing the tears he's holding back. It was the spell, he figured. The spell he used to defeat the Dark Lord—forever. "A power that the Dark Lord knows not—" He let out a tearful chuckle. "Indeed." Feeling the pain subside enough for him to bear movement, he raised his head slowly, took off his glasses and wiped his sweaty face with his robe. He paused as something white caught his attention from the bedside table. It was a box of Kleenex from Hermione. He felt his eyes welled-up with renewed tears. It was from when he caught the cold. "Boy, will she be pissed had she seen me ignore a box of tissue paper for my robe . . . " He bit his lips restraining wet drops to travel down his face. "I need to get myself together." He muttered before standing up carefully and going over to his trunk to pick up his red scarf. It was a gift from Mrs. Weasley. He smiled fondly at it before wrapping it securely on his neck, before making his way to the Common Room. "I was starting to think that the twins experimented on you in your sleep or something—what took you so long, mate?" Ron was sitting at the couch near the fire place next to Hermione who was reading a book. "Slow morning." Harry grinned at his best friend albeit a bit tiredly. "Are you alright, Harry?" Hermione asked having looked up from her book. "You look a bit pale."

With a shake of his head he walked down the stairs and stood behind the couch. "It's nothing, just woke up on the wrong side of the bed, that's all."

"Oh—" Hermione looked at him critically but before she could comment more, Ron had grabbed both of them and announced that he was hungry and that it was time to go down to the Great Hall. Hermione started ranting about how her boyfriend could only think of food and nothing else. Harry only laughed at the antics of his closest friends. "Harry's fine! Geez, you're worse than Mum!" Ron shielded his face as his girlfriend started hitting him with her book. "Oh, you—!" but before Hermione could finish her sentence, Harry interrupted them. "I do admit that you're actually like Mrs. Weasley—" when the girl with a book turned to him, he raised his hands in sign of his immediate surrender. "I just mean that you always take care of everyone." She huffed at him but not with anger. "If I don't, who would?" She said with a resigned voice. "You two are not actually the easiest to look after, especially you—!" It was quiet for a moment at the hallway where the Golden Trio stood. Hermione gaped unseeingly from Harry's shoulder. Ron was surprised when his best mate pulled his girlfriend for a hug, but he wasn't jealous—because it's Harry. And he knows that he won't steal her away from him. So instead he let him and tried to figure out why his friend felt the need to do so. His worries, if ever there was some he had missed, had completely vanished when Harry pulled back and grinned at Hermione. "Thanks, Mum."

She made a move to hit him on the head but he dodged and jogged towards the Great Hall with a gleeful laugh. Ron soon joined him with the same bright grin as he evaded being hit by the bushy haired girl. Hermione laughed along with them—but somewhere in the deep parts of her mind, she knew something just happened. And wasn't sure that she liked it.

_Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother_

_She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh and_

_Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no_

_Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby_

Entering the Great Hall, Hermione Granger forgot all about it and made a beeline to her boys, sitting in front of them and smiling at Harry and then at Ron before piling her plate with breakfast. Ron looked confused but Harry merely smiled childishly at him before pushing the food around his plate and drinking some pumpkin juice. No one noticed, they were too busy being happy.

_The sharp knife of a short life, well_

_I've had just enough time_

"Hey, Harry, are you coming to Hogsmede with us?" Ron asked as he pulled on a warmer shirt. Harry shook his head with a sigh. "I've to finish some essays."

"You sure?" Ron looked at him for a moment as if contemplating whether he should stay as well to keep him company. Harry just laughed at him before pushing him playfully. "Oh, just go on and enjoy your date with 'Mione." When Ron just gaped at him, he reassured him that he just wasn't in the mood to go. "Alright, if you say so; do you want anything? I can buy it for you and you can just pay me for it later." Ron offered. Harry thought for a moment before he grinned at him. "Chocolate Frogs."

"Hermione will kill me." Ron rolled his eyes but Harry knew he'd buy them for him, so he kept his grin.

As soon as he saw that the coast was clear, he grabbed a few parchments together with his quill and ink bottle and made his way to the Astronomy Tower. He spends most of his time there now. The peace of the height settled the pain in his heart and somehow, when he was up there he always felt as if it was okay this way. It was okay that nobody knows. No one bothered him too much, no one cries every time they see him; no one loses sleep from looking into every book one can find at Hogwarts. It was better this way. Walking to his spot, he sat down and laid the parchment flat on the floor. He opened the ink bottle's stopper and placed it at the top right corner of the paper to hold it down. He picked up the quill and dipped it in the black bottle. He pulled back slightly, and then he started writing his thoughts on the piece of parchment.

_If I die young, bury me in satin_

_Lay me down on a bed of roses_

_Sink me in the river, at dawn_

_Send me away with the words of a love song_

"Oh. You're here." A voice startled him from his non-stop writing and he almost spilled the ink bottle on the whole parchment. "Malfoy—" Harry turned to him with a 'deer-caught-in-the-headlights' look. "Easy there, Potter." The blond laughed at him as he picked up a few scattered parchments that he placed around him on the floor to dry. "What were you doing?" Draco asked as he followed Harry's movement with his eyes. "N-nothing, just writing—what are you doing here?"

"I was just walking around."

"Aren't you supposed to be at Hogsmede?"

"Nah, I didn't feel like going today. I have enough stocks."

"Oh."

There was a moment of uncomfortable silence before Harry decided to ignore the other for finishing his work. He was collecting the last of his drying parchment when a shadow darkened his vision. He looked up to find Draco Malfoy looking down at him.

_The sharp knife of a short life, well_

_I've had just enough time_

"You know that there really is nothing to be afraid of anymore." Of all people, it was Draco telling him that. Harry snorted a laugh as he got to his feet—a little too quickly for his liking. The world tipped to his side then everything spun. It took him time to recover from the dizzy-spell but when he came to, the first things he noticed was that there were arms around him and he was warmly tucked on someone's chest. The second thing was that the parchments weren't with him anymore but on the floor . . . everywhere. He groaned as he pushed away from the person but the arms held fast. "You shouldn't move too fast when you're ill." The voice froze him in place. He had forgotten about him for a moment. He started struggling against the blond. "Don't be stubborn, Potter, I'm trying to be nice here!" That stopped him. Harry's eyes glazed over in remembrance of the war. It was over. Their fears were over. And there were no more sides to hold against one another. "Sorry." He uttered softly. He felt Draco's arms loosen their hold. "You know we never really started over after—after that." Harry looked up to the other boy and saw nothing but sincerity. "Yeah, I guess not." He agreed as he pushed back from the blond, releasing himself from other's hold. He looked around at the scattered paper and sighed tiredly. "Well, I think I need help." Draco smirked at him. "Then we can start over."

_And I'll be wearing white, when I come into your kingdom_

_I'm as green as the ring on my little cold finger, I've_

_Never known the lovin' of a man_

_But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand, there's a_

_Boy here in town who says he'll love me forever,_

_Who would have thought forever could be severed by_

_The sharp knife of a short life, well,_

_I've had just enough time_

After the incident at the Astronomy Tower, Harry and Draco met frequently just to hang out. After classes they would head to the Astronomy Tower to be free from everyone's restricting stares. It was pressure, both of them had agreed on. The pressure of people expecting you to be enemies till the end—Dark Lord or none at all. It was unfair, they both whined—but they don't seem to be bothered by it at all. Instead it gave them the sense of a bit of a rebellion. And who doesn't enjoy that? For 3 whole weeks starting then, they've spent their times together—knowing each other, catching up with what was missing and what could have been. It was almost difficult to pull them apart. Harry had told both Ron and Hermione, but seeing as they weren't too keen on the idea of having "Malfoy" around he just left them be. There were plenty of things that Harry found out about Draco. One is that he followed Lucius as far as he can remember; two is that he's more of a Mum's boy and not the other; and three . . . he's really fun to be with. Of course, Harry needed to correct him sometimes when Weasley turns to Weasel and Granger turn to Mudblood, but it was all expected. Draco had shared with him some of the adventures he had when he was a kid and he was surprised to find that he had quite the normal, if not spoilt, childhood. When Draco asked him about his relatives, he shook his head at first and prepares to tell Draco that it wasn't his business when he looked up and saw the other boy's expression. His resolve crumbled and he reminded himself that the blond had shared quite a lot—and keeping quiet wasn't being fair at all. So Harry told him. He told him of the days of beatings, the afternoons of labor and the night in the small, cold cupboard of neglect. At first, Draco didn't believe him, but after showing him the scars other than the one the Dark Lord gave him, he went berserk. "HOW DARE THEY DO THAT TO A WIZARD CHILD! How can they do that to you! You're family!" Draco bellowed in anger. Harry assured him that it wouldn't happen again, because there would be no way he would be living near the Dursley's after getting his freedom. It took a lot of coaxing from Harry to calm the other boy down, but eventually even the young Malfoy got tired of hearing about the monsters from his own mouth.

They sat side-by-side on the railings of the Tower window and looked out to the blankness of the horizon. It was already early evening, but there was still time to waste before dinner was served at the Great Hall. The cold wind blew around them and Harry shivered violently. He gave a start when he felt warmth cover his left hand and turned to see Draco holding his hand with his. "You're quite vulnerable to the cold, aren't you?" he chided Harry for not wearing much warmer clothes before he fell quiet. Just listening to the wind and holding each other's hands. "Are you still cold?" Draco asked after a few moments. Harry nodded, wanting to go down to the Hall for some warmth—instead he found himself being pulled towards the other boy; an arm wrapping itself on his shoulder while another crossed his torso with a hand on his waist. Once again he found himself tucked on a warm chest . . . and he relaxed. "Alright there?" he heard Draco asked him in a whisper. "No," Harry answered. "It's better."

_So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls_

_What I never did is done_

They stayed there for some time before they noticed the time. They had missed dinner and they were both pretty hungry. So they went down, Draco held his hand all the way. Harry led them down, tickling the pear and entering the kitchens and was greeted by dozens of house-elves. They were immediately led to a table, and were fed. "Eager little things, aren't they?" Draco commented as he took a bite of chicken. Harry nodded with a small smile. "It's their duty." They ate in silence for a while before Draco spoke. "Hey, Harry—" he started, hearing a soft acknowledgement from the other boy he continued. "Being a single child, have you ever wanted a sibling?" It was an innocent question, but both of them shared the silent sentiment. Harry smiled sadly at his pumpkin juice. "If I'd have my way . . . I think it would be awesome to have a little sister to protect, or a little brother to watch out for . . . but—" the blond gave him a little gesture to continue. "I-I've always wanted a big brother." Harry blushed as he ducked his head. Draco laughed at the other's display of shyness. "Y-you?" The young Malfoy fell quiet and made a show of thought. "I've been playing with idea for quite some time now. I'd like to have a little brother—you know, someone to teach some awesome things like . . ."

"Like how to take hours fixing one's hair?"

"Ha, ha, really funny—I'm talking about other cool stuff, like . . ."

"How to be a prat?"

"Oh, shut it you."

"No, really, what is it that you'd like to pass down?" Harry asked with a grin. There was a pause right after when only the movement of the house-elves could be heard. "I'm going to teach him that not everyone from the muggle community is that bad." Harry nodded, thinking that it was the end of the topic—but he was wrong. "I'm going to tell him that not everything that can be bought can make him happy." The sentence ended with a soft sigh. The dark-haired boy inclined his head in inquiry. "I'm going to tell him that I've been wrong."

"About some things~" It was meant to be joke, but seeing as the other boy stopped eating altogether, Harry knew that Draco had taken it seriously. "Hey—" he started, wanting to mend it. "I guess I just wanted someone to talk to about it; to make it easier to carry—the burden of making so many mistakes." With another sigh, Draco placed his head on his open palms. A wave of sympathy washed over Harry as he watched his former rival massaged his temple tiredly. Not knowing what else what to do with awkward silence, Harry picked up a piece of chocolate tart and bit into it. Chewing quietly, a sudden thought came to him. "Hey, Draco?"

"Hm?"

"Can you be my big brother?"

_A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell them for a dollar_

_They're worth so much more after I'm a goner_

_And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'_

_Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'_

Ron and Hermione had no idea when it all happened, but when the Holidays came they were both shocked to find one grinning Draco Malfoy standing with them in front of the Burrow. "What in bloody hell is going on here?" Ron asked through gritted teeth. "I invited him to spend the Holidays with us." Harry stated with simplicity and a boyish smile. "WHAT?" Hermione cringed at the tone her boyfriend used. "Harry, mate—how could you!" If it was possible she could've run far away and buried herself inside a real burrow, she needed to be the mediator of the upcoming hailstorm. "He's different now, Ron—don't worry about it! He's not like befo—"

"You invite someone to my house and you didn't even tell me!"

"I told Mrs. Weasley—"

"Oh, you told Mum but you couldn't even bother tell your best mate about it!"

"Ron!" Hermione tried to interject, but it only got her boyfriend on a roll.

"Sure, defend him! Next thing I'll hear you'll be friends with the ferret as well!"

"But I only wanted to get you guys to know that he's change—"

"CHANGE?" Ron gave a rather hysterical laughter. "He's a Slytherin, Harry! It's one of his schemes to get back at you for killing their Lord!"

Draco's arms were fast enough to hold Harry back as he screamed for his friend to take it back, all the while glaring darkly at the red-head. "You don't know anything, Weasley." He intoned.

"You, shut up!" Ron pointed a jabbing finger at the blond. "You have no right to speak here! You're not even welcome here!"

"Ron, please! I invited him because I wanted to—" Harry started, only to be interrupted.

"Oh, but it's always what you want!"

Harry's tongue bled from the sudden clamping close of his mouth. "What?" Draco was the one to ask.

"Because he's the Hero! He always gets what he wants!"

"RON! You know better than anyone else that that's not true!" Hermione's growing horror only doubled when she saw Harry paled from her boyfriend's words.

Before Ron could continue with his rant, Harry had spoken; broken and teary. "You're right."

"Harry, no! It's Ron's temper talking, please, just—" Hermione tried.

"Of course, I'm right!"

"RON!"

"Oh, shut it, Hermoine!

"WHAT ON EARTH IS GOING ON IN HERE!" Molly Weasley's figure stood tall regardless her height. "Ron, you apologized to Harry this instant!" but all Harry got was an icy glare before Ron stomped inside the house. Molly huffed promising to punish Ron for his attitude but Harry told her not to. "Oh, Harry, dear—"

"I'll go talk to Ron, Mrs. Weasley." Hermione nodded to Harry and Draco before making her way inside.

Molly turned back to the boys with a rather sad smile. "Don't you mind him, boys. Ron has always had a bit of a temper." She said before welcoming Draco to the Burrow. "Thank you, Mrs. Weasley." She smiled at him before she went back inside, telling them to get in as soon as they get the bearings together.

When Draco turned to Harry, however, the boy was clutching at his chest while he was on his knees; eyes shut tight, face contorted into an expression of pain. It didn't take him another moment to be on the dirt with the other boy. "What happened? Are you alright? Harry! Harry, answer me!"

When the other boy didn't answer he held him protectively, albeit a bit helpless. He made to call for help from the people inside when he felt Harry tugged at his shirt. He looked down and saw Harry shook his head 'no'. "No? Harry, you're hurting! You need help, come on—we need to tell Mrs. Weasley!"

"No!" It came as a broken croak, but it was enough to stop Draco from moving. "Please, please, please—"

Harry whimpered when another wave of pain burst from the contraction at his heart. Draco held him tightly, willing the pain away. It wasn't long before tears started falling from grey eyes as he held onto the other. "Why?" he asked through a shaky breath. "I don't want them to worry; I don't want them to see me like this—just, please?" Harry sobbed into his shirt as he held him. "Please, don't tell them, please!"

It was a moment of uncertainty and desperation. He wanted to stop Harry from crying because he couldn't stop crying as well. So, he agreed. He agreed to tell nothing to anyone. He promised not to utter a single word about it. But he also promised to take care of Harry.

After a few more minutes of seemingly endless pain, Harry fell asleep. Draco stayed there on the ground with him. Holding him securely, crying still. Talking still. Promising still.

"Don't worry, Harry. Big brother's here. I'm here. You'll be okay. I'm here."

_If I die young, bury me in satin_

_Lay me down on a bed of roses_

_Sink me in the river, at dawn_

_Send me away with the words of a love song_

Draco tried so hard to act as if nothing happened; especially when Ron started acting like a total prat around Harry. The evening brought revelations to the young Malfoy, when the raven-haired boy woke up, he learned of a pain that cannot be taken away. He learned of the limit he has to show him how much he changed . . . how much he understands . . . how much he came to care. Every time he thought of it, tears would spring from his eyes. It was a good thing that he had caught a cold from staying outside too long. It gave him an excuse to be teary eyed and to sniffle. Molly had coddled him with potions and food that he eventually started evading the woman in favor of being with Harry. She told him that he may get the other boy catch his cold, but he had reassured her that it won't . . . Because potions work fast.

One evening, before the start of term, Harry and Draco sat down on the couch in front of the fire place, lounging lazily and for once since the start of the Holidays, they cared for nothing. Harry laid his head on Draco's lap while the other was staring at the fire while he ran his fingers through the other boy's hair in a soothing motion. "Harry?" he looked down to see if the other boy was listening. When Harry hummed with his eyes closed, he continued. "Are you scared?"

"I don't know." He answered truthfully.

"I think I am."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to lose you."

"You won't be."

"But—"

"I know its cliché," Harry chuckled softly with a touch of resignation in his voice. "—but I'm not really going away. Not entirely, that's for sure." He looked up to confused grey eyes before he spoke again. "I'll always be your little brother in all but blood." He smiled meaningfully.

Draco returned it. "It's just that . . . I've just started being actual friends with you—" He sighed before resuming his motion with his hand, not really knowing when he stopped. "It's rather regretful, all those years . . ." Harry agreed. The blond closed his eyes to stop himself from feeling miserable but opened them again when he felt warm fingers brush his cheek. "It may have been quite late that we got to know each other better, Dray—but at least we get to spend some days together, and I'm happy with that." When the blond didn't speak, he continued. "I also get to experience what it's like to have a big brother." Draco snorted, earning him a confused look from Harry. "It's nothing—I just remembered something." He amended when he saw Harry pouted. He continued when Harry asked what it was that he remembered.

"Do you remember that time when we bought ice cream? I ruffled you hair when got out and we ended up having a snowball fight?"

Harry laughed at that memory. "We were freezing the time we got back in the Castle, I remember that!"

"And that time when I introduced you to my Father—"

"I never thought Lucius could actually be so—human!"

"Well, he was under the Imperius Curse all those other times."

"But he hugged me!"

"Because you freed us~"

"It was sooo weird!"

Draco laughed at that. "Malfoys are capable of showing gratitude and feelings you know, we're not walking bricks."

Harry laughed along. "I know, it's just so . . ."

"Weird?"

"EXACTLY!"

They laughed all night, not noticing when a figure arrived from the doorway. Not even when said figure sat behind them on the floor, listening to all their stories and memories and jokes and horrid quotations. So they were rather surprised when Ron offered Malfoy his hand in a gesture of peace on the way to the Train Station.

_Uh oh (uh, oh)_

_The ballad of a dove (uh, oh)_

_Go with peace and love_

_Gather up your tears, keep 'em in your pocket_

_Save them for a time when you're really gonna need them, oh_

It happened every night now, and Draco refused to leave Harry's side in fear of the worst to come. And every night the blond would kneel beside the bed inside the Room of Requirement, holding the other's hand in a vain attempt to elevate some of the pain that he felt. Every night Draco would cry with him, hold him, soothe, promise and whisper words of comfort. It was all he could do. But Harry told him that it was enough.

One morning, after one of the harsher nights, Harry asked Draco to help him write. His hand shook but Draco steadied it for him by holding his hand and guiding it to write the words that come out from Harry's mouth.

As they finish, Draco put away the writing paraphernalia and proceeded to make Harry as comfortable as possible in the bed. Conjuring pillows for the boy, extra blankets when he shivers—he was about to grab them both some food from the Great Hall when he felt Harry tugged at his wrist. "Harry?" he turned to the dark-haired boy and took notice of the paler complexion. He walked back to the bed and held the other's hand. "Are you hurting?" When the other shook his head, he slipped off his shoes and climbed onto the bed and pulled Harry close to him, hugging him to his chest like he had done plenty of times before. "What is it?" he asked, instead of an answer, he felt Harry weakly wrapped his arms around his waist and held him back. "Oh, what's this? My baby brother wants to cuddle?" When he felt a weak fist hit his back, he chuckled and snuggled against the other boy. "Sorry, couldn't resist myself." He grinned as he buried his nose on Harry's hair.

The other boy sighed in content as he snuggled back against Draco. Letting out another chuckle, Draco pulled back slightly to talk. "Okay, I'm going to allow you to sleep some more, but I'll wake you up in a bit for lunch—how's that sound?" Harry nodded and whispered a silent 'Thank you'.

_The sharp knife of a short life, well_

_I've had just enough time_

When Draco came to, it was already late. So late, in fact, that it was already dark outside. A quick 'Tempus' showed him that dinner was currently undergoing at the Great Hall. Shifting slightly, he cursed himself for falling asleep. He turned to the other boy beside him and observed his peaceful face. He smiled slightly, before reaching out to shake the boy awake. His smile faltered however when he received no response. "Harry, come on, we have to go—it's dinner time. We missed lunch."

"Harry, please—"

"Harry, we need to get up now—"

"Harry, wake up, love—"

"Harry . . . ?"

_So put on your best boys and I'll wear my pearls_


End file.
